Editor: Burrow master Blister!
Assistant Editor: Karma Freeze
Newshounds and writers: Flash, Changeman Shadowlurk, Sweetie
Contents:
1) A few words from the editor
2) Letters to the Editor
3) Blister's Buzz
4) Top Fives - Blister
5) Spurian Polls - Karma Freeze
6) Rise of the Classes - Karma Freeze
7) Peddle items - Karma Freeze
8) Gladiator's gossip - Gladiator Gus
9) Dangers of a Spurian purse - Boxa Shinytings
10) Secian Wisdom - Weldo and Oddessa
Hello and thanks for picking up another issue of the Spurian Spectator. I want to thank everyone for the good feedback and compliments we've been getting! To all the disgruntled Khats, LoC, and crabs I'll say it one more time. The Spectator is not fictional, and is all true. We have yet to make up a lie ourselves, and any lie was produced by the Spurian populace. If we hear a rumor, we publish it, the proof, and the speculations on it. We don't target anyone, it's fair and simple! On another note, I also want to thank those who have submitted (Even though we can't pay tokens like the dormant DFC) to the Spectator and all of our staff, and supported us. That said, I hope you enjoy this issue and look on it with a sense of humor!
Gosh, a tear came to my eye when I learned of this vote [4th most annoying]. I knew my San Elf buddies wouldn't let me down!
Callik the Fir Elf, king of TSC
First of all, I want to say that despite the negative nature of this letter I enjoy reading very much and hope you're still publishing when I'm in the third century of my life.
I'm one of your reporters, and a pretty darn good one might I add, but that could soon change if the defamation and slurs of my character don't cease immediately. I have no connection to the notorious thieves guild and have documented proof of me being a member of the locksmith's guild.::::waves an official document bearing the governor's seal::: I've only been convicted of theft one time in over twenty years in this city.....and that verdict was such a biased joke, delivered by that Muat-kisser Pure Injustice, that the governor him self stepped in and pardoned me of the 'crime'.(This was the governor before Perin) Oh' and while I'm ranting...Pure if you're reading this, go stick your gavel where the sun don't shine! You made a mockery of justice and Order that day and most Spurians knew it.
I also question my appearance on the top five most 'evil' list. Nothing hurt worse than that. I work hard to alleviate the suffering of the poor. Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of monster? Well, what can I expect from a town where murder is the number one pastime. Ya can all frag off!
Changeman Shadowlurk, Chairman of the SSUC
Your advertisement could be here! Write in here to advertise...stuff!
The port to Saldaea is finally open! Followers of the Chaos Lords, Kagee, Oraculo, Grath, and Remath were escorted by several Sanene officers on a magically powered boat to Saldaea. Several other Spurians including, Narcissus (We have no idea why he felt the need to sneak in), Demeralda, Jedaka, Platinum, Voodo, and Tracey all snuck into the hull of the boat. Although, Oraculo was heard telling them, they 'let' them sneak in. We hear Saldaea is thriving and in good condition even after the war they went through. Merchants are selling their goods for higher prices then ever, and there is a mysterious green potion selling for 5000 gold! We don't know when the next ship comes in or goes, but we'll keep you updated. For now, work on your swimming.
The Rebellion forces of Spur are still here and seem to be growing stronger every day! Recently, they overtook the Chaos Forces' own catapults, and used them to attack some supply barges headed towards the docks. When searched, the barges revealed several Evolochian staves and marks to many of the Taathians surprise. Not only is Arioch fighting in this war, but Evoloch, and that means the troops most likely belong to Lord Maloveous. We also hear the Thugian Gruber managed to eat a month 's worth of the troops' rations in a matter of minutes.
Almost the next night after, a valiant group including Tylar, Foom, Sweetie, and a masked figure were seen trying to fight their way through the docks, only to be too late. They witnessed a large fleet of troops heading north. Rumor has it the LoC forces are headed for the Taathian strongholds, and the Webholds.
A few days ago the Outpost located in the Odds and Ends was attacked by a Taathian militia. It was a large force and they managed to clean out the whole Outpost. Another time, Felixim fooled Kagee into following him into the Outpost, then Kagee booked. Is Kagee afraid of her own troops?
A foreign jade chest was left at the docks recently, by whom or for what purpose we don't know. Recently, the chest was guarded by 50 LoC soldiers, so it must be of some importance, and perhaps it means someone has the key or means to steal it. Spur's best lockpickers have failed to open it.
The Drake Slepinfire was trying to kill Changeman (We don't know why, but it might have to do with the dung Change threw at him last time ), when the wily thief managed to escape once again. Boiling with frustration and anger, Slepinfire took out his anger on a nearby Secian, Chasdity, nearly killing her.
A furry looking Kbar and darker looking Yu'lin were recently seen flirting, kissing, and groping each other in TSC the other night. For those of you who don't know, Kbar is a notorious Sanene General of the LoC who used to be known for mass killings of Firian Elves.
The presumed dead thief Vagn showed up in TSC recently, with food and drinks for everyone. He was handing out the food to the poor, and hungry on behalf of the Locksmith's Guild. Soon after, Apprentice Bard Narcisuss was seen complaining of stolen Recital food.
Foreigner Sanene Sinistrad was in the Spur stating that his Lord Evoloch and the other Lords do not care about being worshipped like the gods. Like we said in our last issue, he claims that this whole war was cooked up by our innocent Muatana-al, Merlin. He also went so far to claim that Lord Maloveous is a false priest and not in favor by Evoloch.
Half-Demon, half-Anthian, you've felt her wrath and heard the stories in the posts! Watch out for Serrina! Many of the victims claim to have been tormented by her words, and her murders always end with a maniacal giggle and, "Peace and love be to you! These stories aren't just recent either. More and more ashamed, horrified and blackmailed victims have come out with their stories. Recently the Thugian Xug told us long ago Serrina forced him to kill Phannah. Another townsman came to me in the shadows, frightened and his face distraught.
The townsman complained, "H-here I was..m-minding my own business, buh, buh, buh..."
I then had to finish his sentence, the word he was stuttering for was "buying" I believe. He told me his speech impediment had occurred only after Serrina met him.
The townsman continued, "Y-yes..I was buying some new jewelry for my wife when this demon of the skies swooped down, blocking the sun and engulfing me in her shadow! She swooped me up with her mighty talons and took me to a strange place, myself quivering with f-fear..y-you see I'm very afraid of height, and could barely hang on to the diamond necklace I just bought. When we got there, she took the jewelry and proceeded to tickle me with her feathers, it went on for hours! The whole time she didn't say a word but, 'Peace! Peace! Love! Peace and love be to you!' Finally, she twitched strangely and flew off and I made my way back home. She apparently h-had taken me to some strange place in the mountains. Oooh, gods save us all! Oh..what's tha-!"
At this point, a small robin flew by us and scared the stutter out of this poor man. He dashed off frantically whimpering. Beware of the skies Spurians, some say she's worse then Dragons!
Speaking of horror, the Reirst plague is back and a Drag-al Bard from Rathan was about babbling in panic until several angry townsmen quickly carried him away from the city, fearing the contagious disease. We're not sure if this only affects the lizard type folk or all, wash up, and avoid kissing folks!
After a discussion with Sariph, the Merchant Psycian Sordum told her of an idea he was mulling over, combining an umbrella and cloak to form some sort of rain-gear. He also hinted that suggesting anything to Rehas was pointless these days.
A new Alchemist is in town, the San Elf Alroch. He has a catalog available in his room (located north of the Flerian runemage shop), and potions can be sold at great prices if the buyer finds the ingredients. The most difficult one was Essence of Oog-ra, is that a good thing to have?
Wisest Spurian
1) Sordum
2) Lord Armonius
3) Lord Khatmandu
4) Lady Kyrinne
5) Tylar
Everyone knows him, everyone loves him! Sordum Corinth was voted wisest easily, and left the others in the dust. He's been around longer then the most of us, and has experienced more tragedies, success, mayhem, and adventure in his short lifetime then Thumper'a! Although, we hear now he just wants to settle down. After clearing through the dust our Lords and Ladies came, with the High Priest of ignorance coming in last? Odd..
Funniest Spurian
1) Jullwup
2) Borus
3) Blister
4) Murdach
5) Marigold
Well, it looks like Jullwup's pathetic advertising finally paid off! Although, I wouldn't be too sure if the voters were laughing with him..or at him. I think that statement adheres to our not-so intelligent Thugian friend, too. Next came..me! Thanks for the votes, it brought a tear to my eye, I've never won 3rd place in anything! Yet another Flerian made it in our Top Fives, Murdach Dookem (Whether he's a Flerian or not is still not known). Nothing is more funny then seeing Murdach turn into a tree and fall on Rollie, or turn into a broom and chase a poor Oog-ra around the room, or..how about the time when he turned into the Altar and married Vollid and I? Vollid? Where are you? I miss you...
Greediest Spurian
1) Kymberlee
2) Guzzle
3) Changeman
4) Loiosh
5) Callar
Kymberlee the Secian was our most greedy? I won't ask or comment... In 2nd place, came our popular Gobbie, Guzzle. I think gobbies are inherently greedy, in their blood. And Changeman greedy? Why he was giving out stolen food just the other day! And don't forget he's a proud member of the Spurian Purse cleaning Association of Spur, a free service.
Noblest Spurian
1) Lord Khatmandu
2) Lord Armonius
3) Lord Grachus
4) Lady Panick
5) Sir Yu'lin
Our Sirs, Lords, and Ladies dominated this one for good reason! I'm glad Guzzle didn't win this one for a change. Recently, many of these were bestowed their titles for their manners, money, clothing, and Nobility!
Most Poetic Spurian
1) Fidget
2) Marigold
3) Changeman
4) Narcisuss
5) Puss
You think Sordum won wisest Spurian? Well, Fidget really won. Rhymin all the time, on the fly, he's a poetic guy! Bardess Marigold is famous for her songs and poems, and has been a respected poet among the Spurians for some time. Changeman is poetic? That's right, if you haven't heard his poems, goto the next Bard Recitals, although they are not for the squeamish or sane.
For the first Spurian Spectator poll, I received many different and interesting answers to the question stated below..
How do you feel about the recent outlashings against Chaos Lord followers, and the lack of justice in Spur since the army has arrived?
Amazingly enough, only fifty percent of Spurians that responded to the poll question think there is something wrong with the lack of justice in Spur.
Sordum Corinth, one of the many who felt something was deeply wrong with the lack of Justice had this to say: "No longer do I feel safe walking the streets of Spur, for fear a less mature mind will incite a riot that leaves me explaining to the troops who hold our city how I was not involved. The army came in complete order, then attacked and left total chaos in its wake."
Many others wholeheartedly agreed, commenting:
"Well, I think that people shouldn't attack the cowards without provocation. Also the lack of justice is very disturbing to me.", and..
"I think the recent show of violence against the followers of the Triumvirate is detrimental to both it's Spurian followers and other Spurians. Some middle ground needs to be found if peace is to prevail."
The other half of the Spurian responses believed that the violence was well deserved, and that if it was kept up, the Chaos Lords and their army would be forced to leave Spur.
One Secian had this to say, "My opinion is this....about the recent outlashings towards the LoC, I think that, on a religious point of view, it's quite acceptable. For one, all the Temples of the Pantheon think that the LOCs is a threat to them, and naturally, the Temples wanna get rid of the threat. Also, I think that every action requires an equal or opposite reaction. Thus, the Los attack us when we've made clear we don't want them, they impose their rule and their religion on us, and now they act surprised that we retaliate with force against them."
A godless Psycian Psion had this to say, "I hope there is more lashing outs against the LoC followers, and hope they are driven from Spur. They have confused so many to betray their gods after many years to simply follow lame lords."
And while most oppose the violence or believe it is well deserved, a few Spurians believe that one government is just as bad as the next, and that there was no justice to begin with. Opinions are split in half, some Spurians abhor the violence, while others embrace it.
Rise of the Classes
Karma Freeze
This week, the always neglected Sword Cleric's guild gets attention. Lestor Pren claims the number one spot, with the High Priests of Unknown and Odarous close behind while Grachus and a few other Leuians compete for the top three spots. Tough competition for the not quite fighters and not quite heart clerics lately!
1. Lestor Pren the Leuian
2. Armonius Undermount the Hithual
3. Rev Lastcall the Hithual
4. Grachus Trionomes the Leuian
5. Liontu Oskaloq the Leuian
6. Creolis Corleon the Leuian
7. Eidolon Rivendale the Leuian
8. Memnoch Devalois the San Elf
9. Tracey Mandohr the Human
10. Dyannna Musica the Leuian
11. Kagee Predator the San Elf
12. Valkyn Demesne the Leuian
13. Panick Undermount the Drag-al
14. Thundax Kizan the Leuian
15. Tuvor Taathcrusader the San Elf
16. Terrulki Oskaloq the Leuian
17. Dosad Silverslinger the Hithual
18. Tylar Vondracos the San Elf
19. Sorian Shadowdemon the San Elf
20. Dao Jiir the Leuian
21. Taniss Bourne the San Elf
22. Mala Guapa the Leuian
23. Unk Gogas the Human
24. Anvil Bloodbaine the Hithual
25. Abegoodfellow Swanker the Hithual
26. Headflinger Gritloo the Hithual
27. Gutwrencher Hoek the Hithual
28. Deep Deeper the Leuian
29. Ariella Monueltro the Anthian
30. Lathan Offaces the Leuian
31. Mangus Blackcloud the Hithual
32. Jajang Cocal the Drag-al
33. Rynock Gavinson the Anthian
34. Livana Lichlord the Secian
35. Stvoin Thebeloved the Hithual
36. Bearkhat Khades the Leuian
37. Toldren Mournblade the Hithual
38. Katahna Otrosk the Leuian
39. Mitka Burnstarr the Leuian
40. Tromas Tigrara the Leuian
41. Cougarrr Clawsss the Leuian
42. Elessil Aravon the Leuian
43. Esprit Manadragon the Secian
44. Khrune Retribution the Leuian
45. Snurd Evileye the San Elf
46. Sturnan Ironjaw the Hithual
47. Cutter Strongblade the Hithual
48. Parn Lichlord the Leuian
49. Mortis Maelificos the Leuian
50. Rano Lerion the Arachnian
With all the confusion and havoc of the Lords of Chaos army in Spur, there was only one peddle that I managed to sneak into. Aleksi, the noble Human peddler of Armor and shields held a no-bid peddle. Though it lowered prices, many people left empty-handed, while others left with multiple pairs of armor. Lucky winners like Allie, Creazor, and Lucke went home extra happy, and extra heavy from all of the protection they were carrying. The most desired armor of the peddle seemed to be black and red demon skin armor, which Creazor the Hithual was lucky enough to grab. Congrats to everyone lucky enough to get away with nice armor, and everyone who didnt..there's always the next peddle!
Gladiator gossip - Return of the Claws
Gladiator Gus
Excitement was high at the arena Tuesday night for Tasem's regular installment of the gladiator games. Without a champions game this week, four separate events were held. Clawers were again able to use both paws in combat as it seems they no longer cause as much pain as they used to. Perhaps related to this phenomenon, Callar was talking with an unusually high, almost feminine voice.
As usual the first game for the evening was a regular team game. Captains for the event were Ambertiger, Mestoffa, Thundax, and Jaeger. Assembled gladiators were heavily weighted toward the fighter types. Thundax took this to an extreme picking nothing but fighters and barbarians for his team. Using a hit same target and run strategy Thundax's team was nearly impossible to beat. What gladiator can stand up under simultaneous hits from the likes of Santos, Thug, Frith, Yedrow and the underrated Hithual Kikiki.
Following a short delay to take care of some kind of "bug" abuser, Tasem apparently hates anyone who would want to hurt those cute little Secians, a best of three Emperor game was started. Tasem selected Danetus and Thundax as captains and the gladiators roared there approval as if copper tokens were falling from the sky. The first battle was won by team Thundax staying strong in the center while losing both ends. Danetus's responding to this strategy strengthened her center group by adding herself Vorach, Jedaka and Thug back into the mix. Games 2 and 3 were then relatively quick victories by Team Danetus. When asked to explain this decisive turn around Felixim the San Elf said rather dimly, "It just got easier with each time". Exceptional fighting by Lucke earned high if not a bit obscure praise from his teammate Vorach who said to him "Your the Gucci of Montinarians".
Game three was the always popular Killfest. Here are the bloody results:
6th place---------------------Team Yedrow
MKP Sturnan 7 deaths
MVP Yedrow 6 kills, 1 death4th place (tied)---------------Team Renshi
MKP Gavin 4 deaths
MVP Renshi 6 kills, 2 deaths4th place (tied)---------------Team Santos
MKP Soaren 3 deaths
MVP Santos 5 kills, 1 death Thandril 5 kills, 1 death3rd place---------------------Team Roknar
MKP Judo 6 deaths
MVP Danetus 10 kills, 3 deaths2nd place--------------------Team Jedaka
MKP Sieri 4 deaths Cirrus 4 deaths
MVP Vorach 6 kills1st place---------------------Team Tarmit
MKP Htang 2 deaths Parn 2 deaths
MVP Tarmit 8 kills, 1 death
The last game of the evening was a center room only free-for-all. As usual the fighting was hot and heavy and the usual confusion of battle led to massive carnage for the first few minutes including one rather large storm. As the crowd thinned out it became a four person battle between Tarmit, Caldron, Verbaniah and Vorach. Verbaniah was the first to fall literally and figuratively. The second after she hit the ground, Tarmit began clawing without mercy. Perhaps all these days away from Caille are making him a bit bitter toward all females. Vorach than made a classic blunder eating fungus in violation of the rules and getting DQed. Caldron apparently out of spider webs then proved to be easy pray for Tarmit. In the end Tasem showing rare generosity and declared Vorach an honorary third place finisher. Perhaps it was just pity, for Tasem, as he thanked his gladiators with the traditional gold at the end of the night, hinted that the glowies might be talking with a bit a higher pitch to their voices next week as well. Good gods!
How much more annoying can Sweetie get. Author's Correction: Gladiator Gus would like to point out a small error in last weeks article. The comment credited to Madame Kagee should correctly have been attributed to unnamed sources close to the priestess. I regret any confusion this may have caused.
Authors Note: Due to the overwhelming number of fan letters my first column received. I will not be able to send you all personal thank you notes. I regret this heavily so I would just like to take a moment and thank them all here. Ummmm thanks Verbie.
GG
The Dangers of a Dirty Purse
Boxa Shinytings
Many people scoff at the idea of a dirty purse/pocket being any trouble, but this attitude could harm you or your loved ones!
Statistics prove that a purse/pocket tends to attract dust. "What harm can dust do?", you may ask. Well, it is also know that dust spawns... Dust Bunnies! That's right, Dust Bunnies. You may think they are cute, and harmless. And they are, for Dust Bunnies spawned from a purse or pocket are very small and timid. You may even want to keep one as a pet, since they are magnets for dust, and are very polite. But be warned! That proper attitude also causes them to actually enjoy the visits of their relatives. Yes, that's right! Your cute mini Dust Bunny will soon invite it's three-headed cousin over for tea! And no decent Spurian citizen wants a Dust Demon hopping about in their pants. This could cause serious injury, and er, 'medical' problems.
Luckily, a few members of Spur's society will clean your purse or pocket for free! That's right, they will save the life of you and your loved ones for FREE!! Make sure to be kind to these few citizens, and help them whenever you can, for the health of the people of Spur depends solely on them.
I thank you for reading this important piece of information, and making yourself a little bit wiser in the ways of safety.
Good day and good hunt to all!
Secian Wisdom
Oddessa and Weldo
::Two Secians flitter down to the ground, and smile at all the readers, hugging them gleefully. One appears to be an adolescent male, with some wrinkles on his face, showing signs of stress or age. The other appears to be several years younger than her male companion, with no wrinkles, but the look in her eyes shows she has seen many things; both glorious and terrible. They smile again at the readers, and giggle quietly::
Secian Male: Heyhi everyone! My name's Weldoian, though, I'm called Weldo almost
everywhere.
Secian Female: Hiya! And my name's Oddessa! We had this really good idea to
bring back the Secian Wisdom into the Spurian Spectator!
Weldo: Yeah! Me and Odd-essa here worked sorta hard on this, and we hope you all enjoy them!
Weldo reaches into his backpack, and after several minutes of searching, pulls out a scroll. He unravels it, and lays it in front of him and Oddessa. Weldo asks Oddessa something, causing them to whisper and tickle each other for another few minutes before finally composing themselves.
Weldo: Okay! We have 15 here this month.
Oddessa: Number 15! Here in the Spur, the phrase "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." Is NOT the moral code of most of the citizens.
Weldo: Number 14! Falling down is fun! It's the landing that isn't.
Oddessa: Number 13! No matter how sparklie drakes may seem, they will not fit in a backpack no matter how hard you try.
Weldo: Number 12! Don't go around spouting incomprehensible nonsense unless you have an immense fondness for Newt cuisine!
Oddessa: Number 11! Disguising yourself as a Justice and then pointing to people saying that what they're doing is against the law is NOT a good choice!
Weldo: Number 10! Disguising yourself as a Justice is not a good choice PERIOD!
Oddessa: Number 9. It's always a good idea to carry several torches or lanterns to avoid the things that go bump in the night!
Weldo: Number 8! The legends are true! The clouds are NOT a place to take a nice, peaceful rest on!
Oddessa: Number 7! If you go into the Temple of Taath uninvited, expect to have a free visit to the HOD.
Weldo: Number 6! Going around kicking people is NOT a good way to make friends; however, ferals may tell you differently.
Oddessa: Number 5! If a Taathian invites you to sit in on a Temple meeting, expect to pay a courtesy visit to Taath himself, compliments of his High Priest!
Weldo: Number 4! It would not be very intelligent to ask the High Priest of Taath if he could die your new clothes blood-red.
Oddessa: Number 3! If you're having trouble sleeping, a Muatana-al, if you happen to meet one, will be more than glad to help you! (Note: Results may be permanent.)"
Weldo: Number 2! And my personal favorite! Marigold will give you little surprises if you worship her as a divinity incarnate!"
Oddessa: And Number 1 for this edition of Secian Wisdom is...
Weldo/Oddessa: "Do not take it as a compliment if a Taathian comes up to you and says, "You remind me of a god/dess. May I check if you're immortal?"
::the two Secians giggle mightily, almost losing their balance. Weldo quickly regains his composure and turns his attention to the readers::
Weldo: By the way, none of these wisdoms were meant to offend, harm, antagonize, blame, accuse, or anything else against the races, religions, and/or persons used in it.
::Oddessa realizes what Weldo is trying to do, and chimes in::
Oddessa: Right! It's all in good fun! It's all for a good laugh.
Weldo: Exactly.
Oddessa: We hope enjoyed this issue of Secian Wisdom, and we'll be back next month!
Weldo: So, uhm....run away from us!
Oddessa:
The two Secians giggle again for several minutes. Weldo proceeds to wrap up the scroll that they read from, shove it his backpack, and flies off; quickly catching up to the already in-flight Oddessa. The two fly away from sight, with their giggling still audible for several seconds.
Thanks for reading Spurians! Did we get your story wrong? Want to ring my neck? Do it with style, write in here!