Volume 1, Issue 1
It's been an exciting, yet ironic month with the Festival of Nobility..in fact it seems to be everything but Noble. Secians marrying Thugians, Taathians helping Evoloch followers, Knights acting like thieves, and amidst all this the city allows a peddle, mainly for the Thieves' Guild. Oh, and we have plenty of torrid love affairs, too!
First off we have a letter sent to me from a concerned citizen:
Blister,
Heyas-dare, Mister Blister sir! Lil Eryn, da good lil innocent Flerian hea! Messa gots some complaints to tell youssa about! Messa was jus walkin along da udder day when messa see a nice shiney silver monies just hangin outta dis mean ol' townie's pants ...when messa try to borrow it from him hessa go all balistic and swing his big shiney dagger at messa! He attacked me! Messa swing back wit messa perdy shiney weapon jus to defend my delicate lil self, den along come missa big shot Jazbo da mean ol' Monitanian, who think hessa know everythin. He disarm me mighty quick, take messa perdy shiney weapon and den he jussa leave me dere to die wit da mean ol crazy, bonkers townie guy! Messa think that way unfair! And to make dis all even worse, when messa go to find Jazbo to get messa perdy shiney weapon back, hessa tell messa dat I is a crazy and bad Flerian! Harumph, dis just no fair...
Innocent and weaponless,
Eryn Desire, Flerian of Spur....
You're not alone Eryn! We hear that the townsfolk are very unsatisfied with the job the council knights are doing defending the city's people and the mandates set therein. Sirs Stanrar and Tygraa have been accused of attempting to arrest persons without informing them of any wrongdoing and without announcing their intent. So many Spurians are so fed up with the actions of the Council knights that they are petitioning to remove one particular Knight, Sir Stanrar. The current head of the Knights' Council, Sir Jazbo Woondle has now announced his retirement, already. How dedicated and honorable are these Knights, where their Knighthood is simply something they do on the side for power, excuses, and immunity. Sir Jazbo told an unnamed informant through ESP that he just wanted to get back to his 'barbaric ways'.
Sir Meqetlh has been made Lord Knight, perhaps he will present the position better? Perhaps worse. We'll see and keep you informed.
Worried about knowing if she really loves you? Or paranoid that your death is right around the corner? Come one, come all! Bitly Buzybody is returning, and with him his runic Fortune tellings. He only asks for 3 gold per fortune. He tells of romance, love, hate, death, and luck!
Internal affairs erupted in the Taathian clergy after a confrontation with Guzzle Gru'kr. Supposedly, Star-eyed and Kagee were resting at the altar, to wear the effects of their alcohol off. Soon after, Guzzle came in and noticed the enemy, the High Priestess of Evoloch, Kagee chatting with Star-eyed. After a few angry words, the fight broke out and Kagee was slain. Guzzle still strives to tarnish Star-Eyed's name in the temple, and thinks her a disgrace to Taath. The moral? Well, we don't quite know the moral, but it might be a good idea to keep a safe distance from the ale, Kagee.
Guzzle wasn't always grumpy, though. At the Noble ball, he got rather drunk and was the life of the party! Spectators say they don't know how much alcohol went in, but they stopped counting. He was a threat to many of the handsome husbands, as he wooed Kagee, Sweetie, Lady Demeralda, Lady Kyrinne, oh about every lady in the place! His seductive belly dance drew the ladies in, and his slobbery kisses kept them coming for more!
Outrage broke out in the Order of Psi when the couple Serrina the anthian, and Wing the Thugian were walked in on in the hall. Well, it was one thing that the Thug isn't in the Order of Psi, but moreover to what they were doing. The bystander apparently caught them doing the nasty on the table which most meetings take place. This was not the first time, either. The San Elf, Avea claims she caught them at it, also at the river. Perhaps they should buy a cottage? The Order of Psi was very upset and is discussing their "naughty" behavior. Perhaps they should be 'punished'?
Yet, we still have more torrid love affairs in Spur! Recently, Narcisuss Blossomkiller was commissioned to compose a song of Star-Eyed the San Elf, and her love, Linetaw. The two have been happily but secretly wed for many years. Some believe this husband has made her softer, and happier. One neighbor claims to have seen her humming sappy love songs while working on her favorite pastime, gardening. Don't take my word, though:
A story is told, A story that's heard on the street
A story of Valor? No! A Story of love!
When San elf and San elf should meet!
They met under secrecy, but they were seen.
They stole to her guild for the eve, Star-eyed gave him a bed
And a few words were said, And nobody saw her leave!
Singing Aye, aye, hey!
Here's to a wild night, With romance and passion galore.
It's Aye, aye hey!
Here's to another, When San elves should meet once more.
They're hearts had turned red. Now they're to wed!
Each a black ring of their own. A starry-eyed bride
An old blade at his side, Now, where are they to call home?
Linataw piles up his armor, right before bed. A mound of black steel 'gainst the wall.
A spider silk shirt falls to the dirt
And things can be heard in the hall!
Oh! Aye, aye, hey!
Here's to a wild night, With romance and passion in store.
It's Aye, aye hey!
Here's to another, When San elves should meet once more.
He can be seen, With vulture and wolf
Tattooed on parts of his skin, A swing of his blade
A union was made, And they've hidden the fact ever since!
Now, standing around, or in TSC,
Star-eyed does shout out in ire, It echoes through town
Some people frown, It's "Ye ken kiss me arse ye damne wyrm!
Once more, it's, Aye, aye, hey!
Here's to the San elves, Though they sometimes may seem a slight bore.
It's, Aye, aye, hey!
Here's to a wild night, With screaming and yelling and war.
All together, It's Aye, aye hey!
Here's to another, When San elves should meet once more!-Narcisuss Blossomkiller
Ending the song, Star-Eyed jumped from her seat, and chased Narcisuss out of the pavilion. Narc was seen running through the streets, screaming, with Kagee close behind, bright red.
Yes, that's right--Calypso Nightdancer and her fiancee, Daystar Wrede are planned to be wed. We were curious as to how the rituals would go? Would it be a traditional calm, Secian marriage? Or the usual Thugian mudpit ritual. For those of you who are not aware, in some Thugian tribes, the wife is thrown into the mudpit to wrestle the husband, if she wins, then she is deemed a worthy wife! Perhaps Calypso should think about this before she becomes the next challenger in the ring? Otherwise, I suggest working on your backhand! One thing is for sure, the Dragon and Secian community are not happy about all this. In fact Michael'a went so far to threaten both of their lives, and more have shunned the two.
If you've seen a half-monkey, half-lioness walking..err swinging around, it's Pipper's mom! No, that's not some tacky joke..really it is! At the last animal Peddle, Pipper was finally reunited with his..mother, and freed her from the cage. Apparently, it was an Alchemist's experiment gone bad...real bad.
Speaking of experiments gone bad, the Newts are coming! Mackla the Newt has already arrived in town, and her stench has begun to compete with Guzzle's. Mebok also is returning to Spur, but we are told he was jumped by a wild band of frogs and is having trouble in his travels.
Several have been granted honorable titles this week. Congratulations to Lady Kyrinne, Lord Khatmandu, Lady Panick, and Sir Alkazar.
Pipper Timbally also seems to be having delusions about being Knighted, when questioning Panick chucked and said, "I think Pipper made himself a Knight."
Of all the most Noblest titles, Perin Lyth has made it big, after seceding the Governor. The governor was poisoned to death by some pork. Perin's first action was to ban all Chaos followers from Spur, since word of war is coming. Many of the citizens are pleased with their new governor, partly because they can actually see his face.
Lock your doors, and don't wander too far out of the city. The LoC armies have been sighted a fortnight away.
Look forward to our next issue, with more features!
~Blister Wiseallatime
Staff: Guzzle Gru'kr, Changeman Shadowlurk